Scripture 5: The Red Flag You Ordered Is Out for Delivery

Capitalism is the necessary evil we all pretend to like because it lets us order bubble tea at 2am.
Communism, on the other hand, is the utopia that only works in theory and in group projects—where no one works but somehow everyone still complains.

Let’s break it down for the unbaptized:

Capitalism

Capitalism is the system where you can own stuff like land, factories, time, other people’s productivity—and if you're good at it, you get rich. If you’re bad at it, you get marketed an app that teaches you how to “manifest wealth.” The market decides what wins, what fails, and who gets a sports car.

It rewards innovation but also exploits desperation. It’s fast, cruel, efficient, and everywhere. You can be anything you want—so long as it turns a profit.
It gave us iPhones but also wage slavery.
It thrives on competition, which sounds romantic until you realize most people are competing with their own debt.

And yet… it works. Not fairly. Not morally. But functionally. It gets the trains running ... if you can afford a ticket. We all hate it. And yet, we all use it. Daily. Aggressively. Hypocritically

Communism

A theory that sounds beautiful in books and university seminars,

usually discussed over $6 lattes by people whose rent is paid by their parents. It imagines a world where everyone shares everything and no one is exploited. A classless utopia. A dream. Sounds noble, until you remember how people act when someone brings one pizza to a party of eight.

In theory, the state owns all property. Everyone contributes according to ability and receives according to need. No rich, no poor. Beautiful, right? Except it has never worked. Not in Russia, not in China, not in Cuba... not without mass censorship, surveillance, famine, or the erasure of dissent.
What began as an economic vision became a political weapon. Uniform misery dressed up as moral purity.

In practice, it turns into power concentrated at the top, bureaucratic rot, mass surveillance, and a populace forced to pretend they're happy for the good of the state.

When everything is owned by everyone, it’s managed by no one and controlled by a few.
It demands perfect cooperation in a species that can’t agree on how to load a dishwasher. It’s not that communism fails because it’s evil. It fails because people are selfish, lazy, and easily corrupted, especially the ones most eager to be in charge of sharing everything.

And yet, modern “communists” keep tweeting from iPhones about “abolishing the bourgeoisie,” while sipping ethically sourced espresso and Venmo-ing each other for weed.
It's not revolution. It’s cosplay.
A rebellion safely enclosed within the comforts of capitalism where rent is covered and suffering is something to posture, not endure.

If communism was ever noble, it's now merch.
And like all trends, it’ll fade once it stops getting likes.

Socialism

And then there’s socialism: the ideological compromise between unchecked greed and enforced equality.

The public handles the essentials—healthcare, education, transit—so no one has to die poor just for being poor. But people can still own businesses, make profit, and buy artisanal cheese.

It’s not utopia. It’s just not cruel.

It recognizes that markets have a role, but they shouldn’t dictate who gets medicine or food or shelter. It’s not free money... it’s a social contract:
You pay in when you can. You receive when you need.
You can still own your small business and post about it on Instagram. You just don’t have to crowdfund your surgery.

It’s not cool. It’s not edgy. It’s not aesthetic. It’s functional.
The boring middle ground between hoarding and starving.
It doesn’t pretend to cure humanity’s flaws—but it tries not to weaponize them.

We don’t need a perfect system.
We just need one that doesn’t crush the average person under the weight of someone else’s yacht.

Maybe the real problem isn’t the system. Maybe it’s our inability to live inside any system without turning it into a performance.

We’ve made capitalism a religion.
Communism a trend.
And socialism? A group chat no one wants to admit they’re in.

You don’t have to love any of them.
But at least be honest about which one pays for your Wi-Fi.